Ugh! Can I just vent for a sec? Today was the worst WW meeting ever! Not only did I only lose -0.6 lbs (which, honestly is better than I expected because I have utterly FAILED this week)…but the meeting itself sucked. The material itself was fine. It was about making fitness goals. I have mine already but it would have been good to hear encouragement to keep trying to meet those goals.
But this was a different meeting time than I usually go to and MOST of the people there were lifetime members. They were all very skinny and mostly very fit. They were discussing their goals of (seriously) running a 50K. Yep that’s right 5 0! 50k! Next week!

And when the teacher said “If 1lb of fat is the same weight as 1lb of muscle, why do we want muscle on our bodies instead of fat?” One thin sour looking woman in the front said “because fat is NASTY” and then looked at me…I thought, surely my insecurities made me imagine that and brushed it off. But as the discussion continued with how “nasty” being fat is until finally, the only other larger person in the room, got up and left.

Then the teacher put up a sign that basically said to lose weight you need to do 30-45 min a day extra of exercise on top of what you are already doing, but to maintain you need to to 60-90 min of exercise a day. These two thin women got all argumentative with the teacher, telling her that her numbers were wrong and that’s absurd and all kinds of stuff. One of the women even stood up in the middle of the room! Then she decides to leave the meeting and go get weighed in…

A few minutes later, this woman who apparently was a lifetime member, started screaming at the lady behind the desk because she had gained a few pounds and would have to pay this week. (…clearly she knew what she was talking about when it comes to working out and maintaining weight).

Then to top it all off, when she had the opportunity, the thin sour woman in front again brought up how “nasty” fat is. She said “fat looks nasty especially when it’s around your middle section” and looked at me again!!! This was my cue to leave. What a TERRIBLE meeting!

And to think, for this entire week I have been beating myself up, trying to find a way to go to this! UGH!

Most meetings are not like this. I know now to not go to that time slot. But man, that meeting left me feeling anything but encouraged.

I’m not going to put any tags in this post because I don’t want some random person, googling Weight Watchers, to somehow find it. It would really suck if someone who’s considering joining Weight Watchers, stumbled on this and decided not to because of my one bad experience. Most of the meetings are great and I am losing weight and learning how to live a new healthy lifestyle, but I just had to vent about the ridiculousness of today’s meeting.

So tonight I pushed myself harder than I have in a while at the gym.  It felt great!  I was talking to my friend Lyndsey tonight, (P.S. Girl, I love you, you are literally saving my life) and I was telling her about my frustrations.  I was so proud of my 5% at WW, but then I realized I’m losing an average of 1.8lbs a week.  That means it will take me a year and a half to get to my goal weight!  UGH!  I know I didn’t gain all this weight overnight.  I know I won’t lose it over night too.  I know this is the healthy way to do it so I don’t gain it all back.  I know all these things.  But realizing how very, very long it will really take was kind of a hard blow.

But she said something totally true and profound.  She said she thinks the reason people who lose weight quickly (like on Biggest Loser) often gain the weight back because they don’t have time to let their minds catch up with their bodies.  They still think like a fat person.  And I think that’s totally true for me too.  I remember when I got to my highest pre-pregnancy weight, I was talking to my mom and I said, “The funny thing is that I have always felt this fat.  Even when I weight 80lbs I thought I was this size.”  I am learning now how to see myself as a healthy girl who treats her body with respect.  But that is no easy task and will probably take just as long as reaching my goal weight.  It’s a constant work in progress.

I’m also working on being more proud of my weight loss.  I have been reluctant to say out loud that I have lost 50lbs since Jayden was born.  I’m embarrassed that I had 50lbs to lose and that I have so so so much further to go still.  But I’m learning to be able to say “Yep, I got fat!  But now, instead of hiding in my house and eating comfort food because I’m so depressed about it, but I’m working hard to fix it and I’m proud of how far I’ve come already”.  But like I said, I’m working on it.

On a happier note, here is the latest adorable-ness from Jayden!

First time swinging at the park! (during the Young Adults Group with Agape Life Church)

Me and Jayden after visiting Caley's art show opening

So…blogging while drinking wine…is it dangerous?  We will see! Mwhahahaha

Ok so life is so good for me right now.  I love being a mommy.  It was hard at first, and I still don’t think I could explain just what I would give for a solid 8 hours straight of sleep…  But I have come to realize how lucky I am, not only to finally have my precious boy but also to be surrounded by people who love me and take care of me.  I don’t think I could have made it through those first few months without the help of my husband, mom, dad, friends and my in-laws.  Not to mention all the TONS of food that was brought by from friends and church family during those first few weeks.  Jayden is 4 months old now and just perfect!

3mo old

I’ve been going back and forth about blogging about my weight loss.  A part of me really wants a place to brag about my accomplishments and maybe receive some encouraging words.  But another part is terrified to post the numbers in a public forum…  I’m working on it.  But for now I would like to brag that with Weight Watchers I’ve lost 12lbs!  I have a lot of reasons for wanting to get in shape.  Jayden is definitely a main reason.  But another reason is so I can get back into fashion.  I was never a “fashionista” but I was always into wearing something original.  Websites like this really motivate me!   I mean, how cute is that stuff?

Anyways, last Friday we went on a tour of the whiskey brewery my friend Caley works at.  I hope to go to First Fridays in the Art District soon.  I also hope to blog more about things we do on the weekends this summer and how it was taking a baby to them! =)